I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have peed in a lot of sinks
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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