how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
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I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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