I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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