Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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