Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
one two three fourrrrnication!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
