his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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