Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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