The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
birth control should be required to get into college
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
