We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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