u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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