Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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