You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
