Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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