Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
