Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
