saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
