WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
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Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
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My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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