I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
