wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
