butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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