K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
