So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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