Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
