Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The adults are the big ones right?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
