I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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