I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
