i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
