I looked at my own cervix.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
