Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
