And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
