You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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