I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
