I got chris browned last night
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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