forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
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IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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