I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
