Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
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Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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