6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
