A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
