I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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