mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
