I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
