I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
