So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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