So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
