A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
