You're so nebulous sometimes
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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