I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
