Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
