Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
