why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
