Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
so let's talk penis.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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