god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i came on her dog
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
