so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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