Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
