grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we made out on top of his cat.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
