Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
