weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
