In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
