you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
