she pinky promised me she was 18
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
