I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
