I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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