I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
