Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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