Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
