I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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