I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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