I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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