Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
