youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
