Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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