I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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