Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
