first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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