I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
