This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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