Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
