Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
