with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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