So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
